Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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