i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
