Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
