She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
