Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My cat gives me a boner
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
