i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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