he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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