Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
