I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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