i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
