pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
