see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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