if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
