ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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