I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
