She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My bed smells like the plague
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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