I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
