I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
