I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
