You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
