i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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