I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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