she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My pussy is not your playground.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
