I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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