Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
