Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
