i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
