Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
