i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
