she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
