That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
