i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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