Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
