i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
