I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
