I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
