ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How naked do you want me to be?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
