fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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