I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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