idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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