Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
