i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
