My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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