I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The air was thick with penises
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
