My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
