he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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