you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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