i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
