I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
