The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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