Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
