I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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