"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
did i walk over a car last night?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
