im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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