never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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