She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
