I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
