I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she peed on how many people?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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