Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
