barbara walters just said penis...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You made out with two different species that night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?