I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?