I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
cat food counts as protein by the way
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?