dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream