dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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