I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.