So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
