i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
