Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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