I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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