Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
