then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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