I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
