But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
