No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
