That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
