I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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