There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
