I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
