I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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