i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
