Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
