Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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