I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
