I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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