Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i now understand why vodka
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
