call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
